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The Submissive Coffee Club

A safe place to come together as submissives, and remind ourselves that we aren't alone.

Being submissive

People sometimes ask, “When did you decide you were submissive?” And certainly you can make decisions that affect your attitude about things, but i didn’t decide to be submissive, i am submissive.

It’s a state of being, like when you are happy, or angry, or content, or scared. Yes, you can make choices about things you do that affect your attitude, but you don’t decide what scares you, it just does. You don’t decide what moves you, it just does.

i think if people understood that better they might be less judgmental of other people’s kinks.

i love water, love the ocean, i once spent almost an entire day on the beach in Waikiki, just swimming out into the ocean and letting the tides and waves push me back to shore while i floated, buoyed by the water. It’s not something i chose to love, i just do. It was relaxing, amazing, fun. A very good day.

i have a friend who is terrified of water, any depth that is over her head. She doesn't swim, never goes in the ocean, not even to chase waves on the shoreline. What for me is bliss would for her be torture. She doesn't choose it, i don’t choose it. It just is.

I don’t think you can turn someone into a submissive if they don’t already have it in them. I don’t think you can turn someone into a Dominant if it doesn’t exist within them already. The same goes for a Top, or a bottom, a switch, a slave, a pet, a pain slut. We are what we are.

A person can role play, a person can fake it, but the satisfaction, the well being that i get from submitting, isn’t something that i make happen, it isn’t something my Dom makes happen, it is something that happens within me that i embrace.

I didn’t decide to be submissive, i am submissive, i decided to embrace it.


Strong Enough to Survive

We've been apart four days now, and it will be another four before we see each other again.  It will be our longest separation in the two and a half years we've lived together. 

Our first five years together were LDR, and the time apart then was usually three months.  So eight days is a cake walk, right? The circumstances this time are a bit different.  I leave this morning for a training, and won't be back until Saturday.  But since Friday, Wolf has been with his playmate.  Three years ago, that would have destroyed me.

I've matured, maybe. Certainly our relationship has matured.  I kept myself busy while he was gone.  I finished painting the kitchen, and worked in the yard until I was exhausted.  I had lunch with a friend, and caught a movie with my daughter.  I binge watched some television that Wolf wouldn't have wanted to watch.  I won't tell you that once in a while I didn't get a little twinge. 

"What the actual fuck?  I'm working in his yard while he's with another woman?"

Then I'd remember.  I was miserable at the last few events we went to together. I always feel shy, awkward, and insecure.  I'd actually suggested that he take her to this one.  I love working in the yard, and continuing to transform our home into something we're both proud of.

And most importantly? I know he loves me, and I will always be home to him. No matter where he roams or who he sees, I belong to him, and am the place he's the happiest. 

I don't get to see Him very often because of the long distance. I see Him during holidays, but only partly because I work and that my work is open year round (yes even x-mas). I'm not even sure I'd be able to do the 2 weeks in August that I've done for the past 2 years because of money issues which saddens me. 

He suggested yesterday, an impromptu plan to have a visit during the weekend of my birthday (also His is a few days before mine), so our birthdays then lol. There was a choice of visiting here or at His place. I chose His; mostly because my place is a mess (depression!), and I feel that work might try to reel me in even though it would be booked off. Also my place is too paper thin to even have a session. To be honest, I'm in need of a therapeutic session, something I finally managed to voice about. I recently had a bad week after the easter weekend, I felt..lost. I might have a post of its own about that. 

He offered to pay for my train ticket to which I jumped too quickly on that, and I'm feeling a bit guilty about it.

I'm disappointed that I won't get more than one full day there. But I don't care. I want to be away from work. I want to be there. It's something to look forward to.

I miss His company.


* Please excuse bad format and phrasing, it's late and I'm also on cold medication.

Strong as fuck

As a submissive i am strong as fuck, don’t ever forget it.

Do i enjoy rough play? Absolutely.

Do i enjoy deferring to my Dominant? You bet!

Does giving up control turn me on? More than you know.

Does rough play and pain arouse me? More than i would have thought possible.

Am i weak? No.

Am i less? Hell no.

Am i more breakable than any other woman on the planet? Not a chance.

i am as breakable as any other person on the planet, submissive or not. i am as needy. i have just as many insecurities, flaws, desires, fears, etc.

As a submissive in a consensual D/s relationship, i am strong as fuck. 

It’s my choice to be on my knees.

It’s my choice to bend, to bow, to submit, to kneel, to obey. mine. my choice is what keeps me there. my resolve. my willpower.

You may be spanking me, flogging me, tormenting, teasing or punishing me. But my safewords are mine. my consent is mine, i’m the one who decides to use them or withdraw my consent. 

Just to be clear. i’m a submissive and i’m strong as fuck.


Stronger and Faster 07/05/2019

Back to work today but there were fun things about it. Like one of my colleagues who supports a team in the same division as the one Master and I support, so we keep an eye on the results of each other's teams.

When he arrived at the office he walked straight over to desk to give me a high five about Saturday's result and "Yes! Get in!" He guessed I must have been going crazy during the game. His team are in the playoffs, so we'll be cheering for them.

It was the first day back at work today and I got quietly over-excited in my head about this being the first time for more than a week I'd be allowed to kiss Alouette "properly" when she gets home from work. I think I spent most of my train journey home not reading but looking out of the window and thinking about kissing.

Denial is like being newly in love or a swoony teenager sometimes. 😍

So when she came home I was all run-run-run-POUNCE! and pinned her up against the door to kiss her silly. It was the best.

I had my boxing lesson tonight. We went over Friday's fight and ran through tactics. My coach was joking about how if I follow his instructions I can finish early and take the last round off.

We finished up with some hard circuit training.

Things that are lovely: Master and coach talking when he came to walk me home and them both being proud of me and making me feel very proud of myself.

And a thing that is lovely and happens all the time and I should mention more often. When Master meets up with me he can't help himself. When he catches sight of me or Alouette, he always gets this smile. Like a happy little boy he just lights up. It's been the same since we first met and it's never changed.

I like to try to see him first so I can see that smile happen. We love to see him get happy. He's beautiful when he's happy. 💕

I've exercised 1 of 4 times this week.

Stronger and faster for Alouette and Master. 💕

Spring Daydreaming

It's a beautiful spring day, even if the sun is playing peekaboo.  

I'm working in the yard, paving the way for happier flowers. Setting out new plants, sowing seed, and fertilizing the older plantings.  And every time I go into the shed for another tool, I see the bundle of switches he cut for me.

Ah, spring...


How To Start A Monday

A quietly lovely thing. I have to get up for work much earlier than Master and Alouette. I use the silent alarm on my Fitbit to wake me up and I always try to ninja my way out of bed without waking them up.

Before I leave, I always look in on them. This morning, Master was awake and I was running early so I gave in to temptation and instead of giving him a goodbye kiss I gave him a goodbye blow job. It felt extra sexy being all dressed up smart for work and then just leaning over and looking him in the eye and doing that for him.

And then I skipped off to work with the taste of him and a spring in my step. That's a better Monday morning than usual.

Kind of tired though. I was snoozing on the train on the way home and dreamed I was wearing high heels that were buckled on. And I wanted to take them off but I got an electric shock every time I touched the buckle.

We're a couple of days into denial before my boxing match and I want to touch but I'm resisting asking because I don't think I'm strong enough to hear Master say "no".

I'm going to the gym to work out and work it off. I know I can be that kind of strong.


I was doing laundry the night before leaving for a trip. CD saw me gathering a load of dirty clothes and said not to wash anything of his. I don’t know exactly what I said, something like “Oh” maybe. A little bit, I was silently debating if I would even have enough for an entire load after putting back his clothing. More so, I was adjusting to the idea of not washing his clothes. He could tell he had thrown me off. “Don’t you need to make sure you have the right clothes for your trip?”

“Well, yes. I also wanted to make sure you had all of yours clean while I’m not here though.”

He let me wash his clothes. 

I made a list of things to pack, and a list of things to do before leaving. He saw what I was doing and added his own ideas to both lists. He added baking and shredding some chicken for him to my to do list. I was excited to read it. I liked the idea of him cooking what I ate while I was gone. Making his life easier while not with him. 

He had me charge my camera battery and plug in my phone. He plugged in a power bank to charge. He reminded me to keep my medication in my bag that would stay with me. Those sorts of things I expected. Making sure I have my meds and a way to contact him is just how he always is.  At some point he started going down the list and putting things in my bags for me, making sure that everything would fit and telling me where the important things were stored. But him packing my bags surprised me, a lot. I don’t know that I can really describe why. My first thought was ‘I’m so capable of doing that on my own.’ but we both do things for each other that they are capable of, so that certainly isn’t why it felt odd. I suppose it just felt different because it was different. He’d never packed a bag for me before. He’s helped me bag packs endless times, but he had never done it for me like this.  

It almost felt lazy to me to let him, but I knew he wasn’t doing this because he thought I couldn’t or wouldn’t. I knew he must want to, for some reason. So I just sat and talked to him as he organized it all. He had me help a little, bringing a ziploc for this and that, and digging out extra outfits to include at his instruction. But mostly, he did it all for me. It felt a bit indulgent, and I think on an ordinary day it would have felt like too much. I think this was different because we were going to be apart for a few days. I realized that taking over packing my bags, was sort of his version of me wanting to prepare his laundry and food before I left. Sometimes when we take care of each other, it’s as much for ourselves as it is for the other.